Professional Management and Leadership Development blog

Does Passion Fuel Your Engine?

Education follows passion, the Chinese say.  As a leader, does passion fuel your engine?

Have you signed onto leadership development training for the right reasons - because you have a passion for learning and leading?  Or, because you're trying to impress the boss?  Or you feel you have to pursue development to avoid conflict with your team or superior? 

How do you get stoked for development to please yourself, for your own good, not someone else's?  What do you want, and why do you want it?

I often coach managers that feel victimized by circumstances, personalities, other people's "outrageous" or destructrive or irritating behavior - the boss does this. . . my co-worker does that. . . blah blah blah. . .

Am I willing to put away the blame thrower and look at myself?   Analyze my growth needs independently of everyone else's personality and behavior?

I can change my attitude and change my commitment and find passion for myself. 

I can create reasons for getting up and getting to my work with passion and zest.
This is my choice, my declaration.  This is what I want, and I'm willing to work for it each day.

Have a great one,

Frank

Losing a Friend

I lost a friend who I play tennis with this week. He took his life without any warning or verbalization.  None of us saw it coming.  I've found myself asking, as a friend and as a leader, what could I have done? Reflecting on our recent conversations, I ask myself was I too proud or cocky or unapproachable? Did I miss a chance for connection? 

He left two young daughters 8 and 10.  It's hard to understand how he could be in so much pain and not say anything.  Seeing him once a week at tennis he seemed fine, but he was so far from being fine.

More than ever, I'm thinking about trying to be more sensitive and create openings in relationships for deeper conversations.  I will check in a little more carefully with friends. 

~ Frank

The Tennis Game

Reflections on the Challenges of Being a C Player on the B Team

I love to play tennis and I play a few times a week. A couple of years ago I joined a league for competitive playing.  Like everything in life that's competitive in nature, there are levels of ability, and finding the right level for satisfaction and success is an ongoing challenge.

I joined the C team  and won most of my matches.   That felt great, especially when the coach invited me to play on the B team.  I was excited and flattered to think I really belonged on the B level.  Until my record became 2 wins 9 losses.  Not as fun or as flattering as I expected. 

It's hard to admit the B level is a stretch for me.  I'm challenged and at times de-motivated and hard on myself.  I have a deep ambivalence about this choice or this question of where I belong -- do I enjoy winning and not playing at my highest possible level?  Or do I move up to greater challenges, where I lose more games than I win? 

Of course, these questions relate to issues I struggle with in my development as a business leader.  Should I stay a big fish in small pond or move up to more critical requirements and assessments?  In leadership, as in tennis, it's tempting to stay at a level that does not challenge me.  It's much harder to lose and force myself to work on taking my game up to a new level.  My game only improves by playing tougher players.  But my ego gets bruised.

How often do I stay at a safe and comfortable level of development?   Doesn't playing it safe bruise my ego too?  Can I accept mistakes as a learning process? Can I stay motivated even if I am not the best? 

For now, I'm in the game at the B level, really appreciating a win for its rarity, and learning to count my "losses" as wins by learning everything I can about my improving my tennis game. . . and the practice of humility.

Frank

Tell Me What I Don't Want To Hear

An article in this month's The Harvard Business Review (Jan. 2008) discusses what makes a good mentor.  One of the items states: 

"Tells you things you may not want to hear but leaves you feeling you have been heard."

Mentors as Messengers

In my leadership coaching I'm often faced with telling clients things no one else will -- because these folks are perceived to be shut down, defensive, or most often, in denial.  It's not easy being the one to get it or give it.  A mentor or coach is a messenger - often bringing the hard truth to people who need it but don't want it.  I'm the guy who's willing to give people "the bad news," so to speak.  I received the feedback the other day that a client said her encounter with me was "painful."  Well, a part of me went ouch too.  (Sure, a part of me would have preferred getting the feedback from her that, "Gee, it was the best coaching I've ever had!")

My Challenge

The challenges of the mentor or coach who's invested in helping people change and develop - is to be willing to give the "bad news" and deal with the reality that I'm not the most popular guy in the room in those moments.

Shutting Feedback Down

It's not easy facing our blind spots, on either the giving or receiving end.  Too often we shut down feedback by focusing on is it right or wrong? versus understanding the need for folks to feel we are really listening to their feedback.  As leaders, if we can set the stage for an honest conversation, listen to the feedback, thank someone for their honesty, we build cohesion for the relationship to grow, be nourished, and it will thrive on a whole new level.  As soon as we let defensiveness, justification and blame enter (no matter how justified) we lose.  We lose our cool and the teams' ability to trust coming to us with issues we can respond to maturely and effectively.

Opening Conversation Up

Opening ourselves up to hearing something we fear may be true from someone we don't want to hear it from can be an important leadership development moment. And, no matter who we are or how successful we are, we all have these opportunties to turn "negative" feedback into growth and change.

Making a Choice

When someone gives you feedback you don't want to hear, are you going to get agitated, or are you going to take it, consider it, try it on, wrestle with it, mine it for gold nuggests of truth, no matter how angry or defensive you feel?  Being right or being willing to create feedback rich, cohesive environments - your choice.  Our choice.  My choice.

~ Frank

The New Year Calls for Declarations, Dedications and Intentions

At a party with a group of close  friends the night before New Year's Eve we spontaneously delved into our visions and goals for the new year, imagining the qualities we wanted to bring into focus in our lives in 2008.  We talked about what we wanted to bring into our lives, and what we would need to let go of to make room for change.  This instinct to plan personal and professional dreams, goals, wishes, and hopes at the new year's birth is universal.  Sharing the experience with trusted friends seems to bring the process to a deeper level.   

Some of us made "declarations."

Some of us "dedicated" ourselves to plans.

Some of us spoke of our "intentions."

Whatever language we use to frame our hopes for personal change, we know it will require discipline, enthusiasm and sacrifice to attain our goals. 

This January is a great time to take inventory and evaluate your life or career.  Some things to consider in making your new years resolutions:

Keep it simple.

Connect desired changes or goals to your values - if your heart and soul aren't  into it, your commitment won't last through periods of challenge.

Commit with someone else - stating your vision out loud with someone deepens your commitment. 

Have a fall-back plan - often we set great goals and then if we do not make it we let the whole process go.  Prepare to have setbacks and plan for ways to sustain your commitment.

Have some fun - goals and targets that are fun or rewarding are much more likely to keep in play.

May 2008 be special, rewarding and successful for you.

Frank